


Call me an amenity

by koashi



Series: I'm trying not to give into you [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Friends to Lovers, Galaxy Garrison, Galra Keith (Voltron), Kosmo knows everything that's going on, Lost Love, M/M, One Shot, One Shot Collection, Pining James Griffin (Voltron), Pining Keith (Voltron), Pining Shiro (Voltron), Requited Love, Self-Denial, Snapshots, Teasing, Unreliable Narrator, Unrequited Love, Wordcount: 10.000-30.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2019-07-01 18:32:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15779709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koashi/pseuds/koashi
Summary: The back of his head says he already knows the answer. He lost his chance and should have made a stance years ago then maybe things could have been different. He buries his face into Keith’s arm. The bandages are gone and he’s met with the other’s smooth skin. He drinks up the contact. He hasn’t been this close to Keith since his Garrison days. When they both were friends and Keith was warming up to him.“You make things too difficult, but you’re...you’ve taken up my thoughts and I hate it.” He laughs. “God Keith, I hate you so much.” A lie.(Last and final part to the series: Probably can be read as a stand alone, but you'll probably be lost with certain references to the previous pieces.)





	Call me an amenity

A part of James wants to say fuck it. He dug his own grave and he should bury his feelings along with it. He’s slept with around with some people here and there since Keith’s disappearance. He’s sure as hell wasn’t going to wait for him and especially after that plane effectively took off and crash landed seconds later when he was a teen. He doesn’t need Keith and he doesn’t need his attention.

But he still finds himself crawling back to the spitfire. He runs his fingers through his hair and sighs. He has it bad and by that definition it’s going to get worse, so, so much worse. Just his luck of course, his competition for Keith is none other than perfection himself. Shiro. A part of him argues: who cares? He’s gotten through Keith’s barriers faster than Shiro did in a few months, maybe he has a chance. While the devil on his shoulder says he never had a chance at all. The brunet lets out a groan, tugging at his hair. He leans his weight forward against the railing. 

He’s on the roof. A habit he got used to because of Keith. When they would just spend time together and get lost in the stars. To hear Keith drone on and on about information that James has heard times before, it was moments that James held dearly. Now he’s stuck coming out to the roof and just think up here alone. 

The view without the hexagonal particle barrier is different. The view unhindered by the orange hue of shield. The Garrison hasn’t put it back up since the enemy’s fleet defeat, there’s no need to. But the nagging feeling in the back of his head just registers the missing protection as weird. For the past three years he’s gotten used to the LED lights from the Garrison’s underground facility. The darkness from the underground train routes and the cover of night. Rarely were they outside during the day if only to battle the Galra. 

At the thought of the Galra his mind drifts to Keith and he’s left wondering if the other has woken up yet. 

After his confrontation with Shiro he quickly absconded to the roof to avoid everyone. The brunet’s heart feels like a  _ mess _ . What could he possibly do to win Keith over? He doesn’t have his attention the way Shiro does nor has he done anything remotely amazing for Keith besides drag his feelings through the dirt. The metal rings with a dull echo when he taps his forehead against the railing, forcing himself to think through the pain. The sound resonates for a moment and James just repeats the action.

The door of the roof creeps open, but James doesn’t move, maybe if he hides his face people won’t see how much of a mess he’s in and can be left by himself. For once he just wants to be alone with his feelings.

“James?” It’s female, but none of the voices from his team, it takes him a moment to pinpoint the voice.

“Krolia?” He pushes himself up to look in the direction of the door, surprised to see her.

She’s slightly taller than the door so she hunches down to get pass it and makes her way to the edge of the building. She still wears the traditional purple color scheme outfit, but the simple material all too different the Galra they were batting months ago. Vaguely he wonders if maybe the Galra have a strange obsession with the color purple.

“Pleasant surprise to see you here,” she makes her way towards him, voice tired. She crosses her arms and stares at the disappearing sunset once she’s close enough to the building’s edge. Her eyes aren’t red-rimmed the way humans cry, but there is a slight puffiness to them. Has she been crying?

“What about Keith?” He stutters out. Something must have happened with Keith. The brunet holds his breath waiting for the bad news.

That gets a reaction as she moves to stare down at her feet, eyes solemn as she thinks of a response.

“He still hasn’t woken up, the other’s all have one by one, the doctor’s aren’t sure why Keith hasn’t yet.” Her voice wanes and she takes a deep breath.

“The  _ vesh _ hasn’t helped?”

“I can only assume since the Black lion took the most damage and in turn Keith.” She lets out a sigh and closes her eyes. “He needs more time. I left him with Shiro and Kolivan for now.”

Just the mention of Shiro’s name makes him sour. He furrowed his eyebrows and contains making a comment about the Captain. Simply the brunet nods and turns his attention back to the horizon. 

“The sunsets here are nothing I’ve ever experienced in any other planet.” She’s gotten close, her arms rest on the railing as she takes in the scene in front of her. “It was one of the first things I experienced when I landed on Earth.”

“Do other planets not have sunsets?”   


“Some do, while others don’t. Earth just has an appreciation for these simplistic things compared to the advancing universe.”

“Huh.” James never thought of it that way. Earth does take a lot of things for granted, but nature never seems to be something that stops being beautiful. 

“What were you doing up here?” Krolia breaks his train of thought and he looks over to her.

“What?”

“To my knowledge Keith did the same when he wanted time alone or needed to think,” she shrugs. The pilot wonders exactly how much Keith has told her about him. His chest flutters and his mind supplies that he was important enough to mention. That even in space, the other didn’t stop thinking of him.

Her hair flutters with the wind and the sky is now dark. The sliver of the sunset now gone leaving the air to grow cold. For a moment he thinks to deny that anything is going on. It does involve her son and James isn’t sure how comfortable he feels about spilling his feelings to an alien space mom. Rubbing the back of his neck the brunet closes his eyes as the wind starts to pick up. 

“If it concerns Keith...do not worry, I won’t tell him,” A part of James wonders if maybe the Galra are also mind readers, the way Keith used to know and pick apart his feelings when they were friends. 

“I guess I just realized that I won’t, uh, win him over?” James cringes with how oblivious it sounds. “He and I were friends, and now we’re just...strangers?” He tries to amend it, but he only makes it sound worse and more desperate.

“The Galra are...often fickle with emotions, just because he doesn’t show it doesn’t mean you don’t have a place somewhere.” Krolia runs her hands along the railing and her nails (claws?) begin a small tempo as they drag along it. “We never let bonds we forge fall apart for long, give it time. I’m sure when he wakes up he’ll want to speak with you.”

James stops to think that he should have been the one supporting Krolia. After all only her son among the Paladin’s is the only one without any signs of waking up. Guess even in space mom logic still prevails. It helps ease James’ thoughts and he feels more level headed that maybe, just maybe he has a chance. 

“Thanks.” He whispers.

Support in the most unlikely of places. They don’t speak for the rest of time they’re up there. Just enjoying the silent presence of one another.

* * *

 

Bonding with Keith’s alien mom had been unexpected. But hey, in Earth’s book that’s a good sign. Get the parent to like you and you’re good, at least he knows he’s welcomed.

He wanders around the base for hours. He can’t sleep so he makes himself useful in hopes exhausting his body will help. As MFE leader he rarely has time now to rest as they are slowly preparing to enter a war to defend the universe. 

Days have been long and tense as higher-ups push him to have the new recruits get better and faster than before. There’s just not enough time and James is running out of ideas on how to help them. They don’t have the natural abilities so it has to be through training and experience to keep them alive in their upcoming battles, but that might not be enough. 

By the time he notices he’s back in the medical ward in front of Keith’s door. He almost steps away to run, Shiro might be in there and for heaven’s sake he wants to avoid confrontation. After the last whiplash he’s not sure if he can take another one as clear as Shiro’s confirmation of his feelings towards Keith. 

But James for as much as he’s grown he’s still the same. Still the same competitive little shit he was in his first few years in the Garrison. Shiro is just another obstacle he needs to beat. Steadying his hand he opens the door. 

The room lights are off, but the window has been left open allowing the currents to sway as the small breeze brakes through. 

There’s no Shiro and no Kolivan. The brunet half expected Krolia to be here, but she’s not. The Galra leader does have other duties to worry about along with her son. 

Finally a moment alone with Keith.

He settles into the chair by the hotheaded pilot, taking his hand and beginning  _ vesh _ . It’s an excuse to hold Keith’s hand he knows it well enough, but it doesn’t stop him. 

“You know liking you is such a chore…” he breaks eye contact from his hands to stare at Keith’s face. “Half the time I don’t think it’s worth it, but trying to forget you is just as hard.”

The words are spilling out of his mouth like water, boiling hot water. It hurts to confess to Keith when he can’t even hear it. He’s alone in this room with nothing, but his thoughts and shadows.

There’s no reaction on Keith’s face and James wished for a moment that there was, that for some miracle Keith woke up for him. Just for him in this silent room and loud thoughts, that he would wake up and the two of them could finally talk. 

There’s a dull pain in his chest that hasn’t disappeared since watching Keith drop into the Black Lion months ago. That whatever he wanted to say to Keith at the time he could have come clean with his feelings and he wouldn't be left in this gruesome waiting game of ‘does he like me or not.’

The back of his head says he already knows the answer. He lost his chance and should have made a stance years ago then maybe things could have been different. He buries his face into Keith’s arm. The bandages are gone and he’s met with the other’s smooth skin. He drinks up the contact. He hasn’t been this close to Keith since his Garrison days. When they both were friends and Keith was warming up to him.

“You make things too difficult, but you’re...you’ve taken up my thoughts and I hate it.” He laughs. “God Keith, I hate you so much.” A lie.

“Did you know that anytime I saw someone with a mullet I would think it was you? I know, who still has mullets in this day and age. A selective number of people, that’s who.”

There’s a faint sound of crickets that reaches James’ ears through the window, he’ll have to close it when he leaves, who knows how many nasty bugs will crawl their way into the building that way. 

“You’re probably ignoring me even in your sleep spitfire...but I guess it’s better to say it now then never, I like you. I’ve liked you since our Garrison days. Since the day I learn that you were a bearable guy. I know, shocker.” He picks his head up and allow his eyes to run from the tip of Keith’s nose to his lips. 

His mind flashes back to that night on the roof six years ago, to think it’s been that long. The way they moved and how soft they were compared to James’ chapped lips, to how soft his hair was and the way Keith pulled him closer for those few short seconds. He wants that again and there’s nothing wrong with wishing. 

He lets go of Keith’s hand and leans forward, he lets each of his hands rest on both side of Keith’s body. The brunet shouldn’t do this but no one is there to stop him and he sure he wouldn’t stop himself if he could. 

He kisses Keith. It’s a chaste, simple kiss, but it blooms and opens his chest. The pain he’s felt since the day Keith disappeared into the desert is gone. His chest and cheeks feel warm and a smile eitches itself onto his lips. Replaced by the same emotion he felt when he first realized he had feelings for Keith.

The brunet doesn’t pull away completely only leaning his forward to let his forward rest gently against Keith’s. 

“When you said we'll to talk later you didn’t say by months, Keith.” Finally with some regret he breaks away. A rare moment of solace. He plops down into the chair and stares at the ceiling. 

“You’re making your Mom worry, I know you probably haven’t been with her long, but that’s usually the last thing you want to do. Mom’s are worrywarts, it probably applies to even alien moms.” He stops for a second to think.

“You know, why aren’t you like purple? Your Mom looks like all the other Galra, you would think Galra genes would be dominant, but I guess not you’re still short even after all this time.” James thinks he’s crazy, having a full on conversation with himself in the dark with a man in a coma. 

“Ugh, you should really just wake up already, you know we’re just waiting for Voltron to be back and up, so we can depart for space? You’re not usually this slow.” He huffs out, rolling his head on the back of the chair, looking at Keith. 

There hasn’t been a change besides the way Keith’s bangs are all out of place because of James. The possessive side of him gives him props that he here is not letting Shiro get in the way for what he feels for the other. But the other side of him just says that Shiro can easily break him in half if he wanted to. 

He lets out a groan. “Why out of all the people that had to like you to has to be some sort of Adonis, you think I can beat that? Again, you like making this difficult you ass.” 

Finally he closes his eyes and for once in the past few weeks he falls asleep quickly.

* * *

 

Sleeping in the chair in Keith’s room has to be one of his worst ideas. There’s an awful crink in his neck and a dull ache in his back now. It probably won’t go away until he goes to sleep again in the cold comfort of his bed. James’ eyes flutter open and he’s met with the harsh light of the morning sun. Without thinking his arm is already up and covering his face. He hopes that he’s not late for his morning drills with the MFE’s cadets he’s training. 

He never did close the window either. He prays no spiders made their way into the room during the night, because if they did Keith’s on his own. 

“You know…you’re the last person I expected to see when I woke up.” 

The voice jerks him out of his tranquil peace so fast that the chair tilts and James finds himself screaming. The chair is gone it makes a loud sound as it hits the floor and slides to hit the room wall. James feels like he just finished getting body slammed by Kinkade when they’re practicing hand-to-hand combat. The pain in his back and head only becomes worse.

“Shit, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Keith’s voice is gruffy from the lack of use and more than likely dry as well.

The pilot wants to cry. The universe is out for him, time and time again he’s being shoved with series of happy unfortunate situations with Keith. He takes a moment to think, to think what to say, to think of his next moves, but everything comes up blank. 

Maybe once he gets a good look at Keith he’ll be able to. Possibly think of a concrete thought.  Finally he opens his eyes and looks around. Keith is leaning over the small railing of his bed, worry filters his face as he prepares to say something else to James. 

Nope. If anything it completely whips the brunet’s mind of any coherent thought. Like a fish out of water he stutters as he opens and closes his mouth repeatedly. 

“Are you okay?” Keith says and he looks so worried for James you could think that their last conversation never happened.

“Y-yeah. I’m fine, I just--I didn’t think you’d be up, I’ve--everyone’s been worried.” The pilot finally finds his voice and he’s a stuttering mess, Keith looks like he’s about to laugh his ass off with how James is reacting. A slight twitch to his lips like he’s holding it back.

“You sure? You hit your head pretty hard, it sounds like it hurt.” The raven-haired pilot coughs to cover up the laugh that’s bubbling to the surface.

The best thing to do is always embarrass yourself in front of the person you’re hardcore crushing on, nice one James.

“It did, but sleeping in that chair has probably been the worst thing in my life too.” Good a normal conversation, he sounds normal. Maybe. He thinks he might be pitching his voice and running out of breath a lot faster than usual. This is normal, yes of course.

“You sure you okay James?” The way his name rolls off Keith’s tongue is like music to his ears, he springs up so fast his back cracks and he sees the way Keith cringes at the sound. 

“Better than ever, thanks for asking.” It’s rushed out so quickly he can see Keith didn’t understand a word he just said.

“Uh…okay...sure,” He gives James a quick one over just to make sure and settles back into his bed.

Slowly James pushes himself up and places both of his hands on the edge of the mattress, leaning his weight into it. “But really, I’m happy to see you awake, you’ve...been asleep for a long time.” 

Keith blinks and looks up at him confused, “How long?”

“If you slept another week it would have been four months. The other paladins woke up yesterday, we were waiting on you.”

“It’s been that long?”

James nods not looking away from Keith, drinking in the sight of the other and their small actions. The way Keith nose scrunches up in thought and the slight pout to his lips. 

“Yeah, in that time the Resistance has gotten to Earth thought it hasn’t been long, I met your Mom too.” Keith freezes and looks like he wasn’t prepared for James to say that. “She’s pretty cool, I see where you get your dramatic flare from.” James smiles and tilts his head to the side. 

It appears to be the right answer as Keith relaxes and smiles up to James, “She is pretty cool, you should see her when she fights.” 

For as much as James would love to see Keith’s mother fight, he’s sure he’ll die if he fights a Galra by himself in hand-to-hand combat. Krolia looks kind and she does give off vibes that all mothers do, but she is tall and intimidating for the fact she carries a knife the same way Keith does. She the definition of someone James won’t ever mess with.

“She’s been busy with the Blades, do you want me to find her?” His voice betrays him, he doesn’t want to leave the other yet. For once in a long time he’s has his sole attention with no one else to get in their way. He wants to take this in, enjoy it for what he can before this is ripped away from him too.

“It’s fine, I’m sure she’ll just know and be here when she can, Mom instincts.” Keith smiles, holding back a laugh. 

James does too, snorting and placing his hands on his hips. “You’re not wrong. Do you want me to call anybody else in?”

Keith stops smiling and thinking for a moment, eyes furrowing in thought. James heart stops and his mind goes into overdrive. Keith is probably going to ask for Shiro. Then him of all people will be tasked to find his competition and tell him that Keith’s awake. At least he got the satisfaction of seeing him awake first. 

“No? I actually wanted to talk to you, since you know we never got to after the last battle.” 

The pilot stops functioning and he thinks he’ll just prefer to make a break for it. The brunet didn’t think that the other would bring up the topic so quickly.

_ I’m sure when he wakes up he’ll want to speak with you.  _ Thanks Krolia.

“Oh...yeah that,” he responds lamely, scratching the back of his head. 

“I know we kinda left each other on...a bad note, but I do-” Keith can’t seem the right words as he turns his head to look away from James.

The brunet decides to save him the trouble, “Hey it’s okay, I was a jerk and you had every right to be one back it’s fine, I’m sorry.”

The last thing he expected to break their conversation is the wolf-dog thing. Who appears in mid-air and affectively landing on Keith’s stomach. 

Keith lets out a groan and curls up, reaching up slowly to pet the creature. “Hey, didn’t think you’d be here that quick.” voice strained and wheezing as he tries to get some air back into his lungs.

The dog barks and proceeds to lick Keith’s face, it’s tongue runs over his cheeks, nose, and forehead. James hold back the look of disgust as Keith’s face is left wet from the dog’s slobber. The spitfire seems to enjoy it as he starts to giggle. James takes a step back wanting to avoid the creature and that seems to get the dog’s attention as his head looks towards James taking in the other for the first time. His tail wags even faster and barks in James’ direction.

“Please no,” James whispers before the wolf disappears for a brief second to reappear to throw himself onto James.

He falls heavy on the floor with what feels like a dead weight of a hundred pound dog on top of his chest. The air in his lungs are gone and there’s slobber all over his face and his hair too. 

Keith is laughing. He hears him over the huffs of the dogs breath and the the sniffing sound as the wolf now finally can scent him. The nose is cold as it brushes along his ear and along his hair. 

The situation is ridiculous, buried under a heep of fur as James finds himself laughing too. He tries, key word  _ tries,  _ to remove the creature off of him, but it just doesn’t happen, too much cosmic space fur and too much dog. He thinks it’s better to just take it.

Both Keith’s and his laugh ring in his ears for the rest of the day.

It’s one of the best mornings he’s had at the Garrison in a long time.

* * *

 

He thinks after finally being able to catch James’ scent the cosmic wolf can’t seem to leave him alone. 

Training cadets? 

Forget that, he needs hugs and belly rubs from James because he’s one of the only people besides Keith and paladins that isn’t afraid of the giant wolf thing in the Garrison. 

Sleeping?

There’s no need for just simplistic things, he wants to play fetch at three am on the dot. Once he manages to teleport James outside in his PJs with a stick as large as the brunet in his mouth. The wolf stares at James’ with so much satisfaction that he actually got him out of bed and to the middle of the Garrison base that the brunet has to give in.

Flying an MFE? 

There’s a moment that he actually thinks the wolf is going to teleport him out of the cockpit and into the middle of nowhere to allow a million dollar plane to crash. He doesn’t, the wolf just sits comfortably in the back seat the whole flight. Staring at James or attempting to worm his way to sit on his lap. To say that his teammates are surprised to find the dog jumping out of the cockpit with him is an understatement as he’s then teleported away to do the dog’s bidding.  

Eating Lunch? 

No, no. That lunch can saved be for later, he need James’ attention now or god help him teleport him to Keith’s room because he can.

Kolivan and Krolia are both in the room when the dog decided to drop him onto Keith’s bed. 

There’s a painfully groan from Keith once James finally pushes himself up and off of Keith almost embarrassed to being in the situation. This is not good for Keith’s health.

The words sorry hover over his lips, but Keith is buried under black and blue fur and the wolf looks so goddamn happy with himself and James’ apology dies in his throat and he’s laughing. 

He hears the echoes of Krolia’s laugh and a soft chuckle from Kolivan.

The brunet could honestly get used to this.

* * *

 

Rizavi finds him in the mess hall trying to enjoy his ration of lunch around noon. She slides along the bench to squeeze up beside him. His mind supplies that’s already a bad sign with the accompanying grin that’s on her face. Her glasses gleam when the light hits it just right angle, chaotic energy just rolls off of her. James thinks he should run, but she’s loops her arm around his shoulder and pulls him close.

“So….I heard you have a crush,” she whispers into his ear. Yup. Bad idea. 

James sets his fork down and covers his face, groaning. “Please, Rizavi don’t do anything.”

She mocks him, placing her hand on her chest and gasping, “Me? Bad ideas? Never.” She doesn’t lose the grin on her face and she moves even closer into his personal space. “I’m just here to help you out!” 

James give her a blank look and just places both of his hands over his face, a muffled scream escapes his lips. 

“Come on! Don’t be like that, most of my ideas are great!” He feels the strands of her hairs tickle his neck as she leans her head against his. 

“Tell that to Iverson,” James supplies reminded of all of her ill-planned ideas. 

“Okay, maybe I crashed once or twice. But those were only in the sims!” Rizavi tries to amend, laughing to herself. “Just hear me out okay?” The pilot slides her hand away from his shoulder and down his lower back, patting it. 

Finally after some prodding from Rizavi James uncovers his faces and looks over to his left to where Rizavi pushes her glasses farther along the bridge of her nose. She’s the most talkative of the bunch compared to the rest of the team. She’s seen with a smile on her face most of the time if she’s not found laser focused on something. Rizavi’s hair sways when she tilts her head to the side and gives him another smile. 

“So, what’s your ingenious plan Rizavi?” He honestly doesn’t want to know.

“Okay, okay...ask him out for a date! You know some alone time for the two of you!” She leans forward onto the table, her head still turned to him as she wiggles her eyebrows.

If James was drinking something he would have taken a spit take and probably ruin the rest of his lunch with how wheezy he felt with Rizavi just saying the word  _ date _ .

“Oh come on! It’s not a bad idea, the worse he can do is say no.” 

She’s right, that is the worst thing he can do and affectively ruin everything he’s been mentally preparing for. Not getting his hopes up too high just to crash. The teen has been trying to take everything with a grain of salt, the small glances and smiles and the unwavering attention from Keith from the past few days. 

“That is the worst thing he can do Rizavi, even a better worse thing he goes on one with someone else after I give him the idea.” 

“Don’t be such a stick in the mud, come on just ask him? Take him out on a date for his healthy recovery, aren’t the Paladin’s finally gonna off bedrest?” Rizavi voice is a bubbly sound as she swings her legs underneath the table. 

“You want me to take him around a destroyed city for a date,” he deadpans. James shakes his  head in denial. 

“Not the whole city! You know those alien booth vendors and their reserturants you know? It might not be the most amazing thing, but hey I’m sure after saving Earth he wants some down time.” Rizavi shrugs and beams. 

“Just give it a chance, okay? Maybe you’ll get a surprise after.” She clamps her hands together and makes kissing sounds in his directions. 

“Hey!” He reaches to punch her shoulder, face red and too warm for James’ taste. But she shimmies out of his grasp and is halfway across the mess hall, clamping her hands over her mouth as she starts to yell. 

“Just give it a chance hotshot!” and she’s gone. The orange and cream colored uniform disappearing among the others as she shoots out to the hall, probably returning to her station.

The rest of the people turn to his direction and give him a dirty look for interrupting their peaceful lunch. A few others give him a strange look, and some a look of confusion before turning back to their rationed food. James has the heart to cover his face in embarrassment. 

He leaves the dining hall still hungry and a red mess.

* * *

 

Rizavi seems to have spread her idea to his other teammates as the brunet notes Kinkade giving him a thumbs up and a smile when he passes him later that afternoon. 

Leifsdottir stares at him for a moment before delving into statistical complicated plan on how he can have Keith to agree to his date plan that he’s definitely not having thoughts of going through with. She even came up with small graphs and models and he has to think: one where did she even find the time and two, that she’s definitely more into it then he is. 

The thought hovers in the back of his head and he has to try his best to actually not fantasize a fake date with Keith. 

The cadets he’s training all seem to know that they’re something up when he’s up on training drills. He’s not all there, mentally in a much happy place. 

No one decides to comment and James is grateful. Most of these young cadets are nosy little rats, hopefully Rizavi doesn’t spread his little  _ crush  _ to the entire Garrison fleet by sundown.

* * *

 

Days pass and the word  _ date  _ seems to be an ever growing presence in his life. It grows along with James passes over rebuilding structures and his eyes linger a little too long to the rebuilt areas with the growing shopping center. 

People do seem more lively with the official announcement that all Galra forces have been  cleared out, leaving the large purple structures a distant memories in most people as they starts to look forward and rebuild. 

The Garrison support grows every day as most countries develop once again some sort of order its people. Even as the star engineers are spread thin to boost Earth’s defenses in each continent in case of any unknown future attacks. A exponential growth curve to Earth’s leading science and technology departments with Altean knowledge. 

He lands the MFE with ease and he’s not even halfway through removing his safety belts when the cosmic wolf ultimately decides then to appear and land on his lap. The helmet does nothing as he just licks the glass like material, leaving it with wolf saliva. 

For the sake of not risking to be randomly teleported to another part of the Garrison he endures it. After a few seconds of it the cosmic wolf promptly decides to disappear.

After actually experiencing random teleportation events he’s suddenly not sure how he feels about a cosmic creature that can disappear and reappear randomly on will.

* * *

 

It’s been almost a week when James’ resolve to not ask Keith on a date breaks. Rizavi has been bringing it up nonstop when she can and the idea just grows more and more on James’ good side that maybe he’s not reading Keith wrong. 

He has a chance. That’s what makes him panic. Should he bring flowers? Chocolates? How cheesy does he have to do this to get Keith to agree, if anything the other might not even see it as a date and only see it as a hang out with friends. That makes a chill run up James’ spine and gripping the wall for support. That would hurt a lot more than rejection.

The brunet resolves to ask Rizavi for help. When he does she squeals and squeezes him so hard that he has trouble breathing, his ribcage is not moving and his arms are digging into his sides. She doesn’t let go for a few seconds and a resounding crack of his back follows.

“Oh gosh, I’ve been planning your day for like,  _ quintants _ .” She finally lets him down, moving to squeeze his arms instead. Her nails dig through the fabric if the Garrison uniform and he has to hold back a comment about cutting them. Last time he just ended up with a life history on why Rizavi needs her nails long for good luck.

“ _ Quintants _ ?” What does that even mean? 

“Oh like, days! I’ve been hanging with that funny Altean old man, Coran? The one with the weird mustache?”

Of course Rizavi would be hanging out with the Aliens, why wouldn’t she.

“Okay, but you just need to be yourself, just don’t worry too much! After he agrees just come back to me okay?” Rizavi tilts her head and smiles at him. “Then we can really get into it.”

It helps ease the tension he feels in his shoulder and he nods. He’ll ask Keith later when he gets off from his duties.

* * *

 

Like most of James’ happiness, it’s quickly flushed down the toilet.

The brunet has been avoiding Shiro like a wildfire and Shiro hasn’t made any comments on James nor on his reports when he decides to send the through an email instead of leaving them in his office. 

It’s again a mutual agreement to avoid one another without ever even saying anything. James clearly sees Shirogane as a threat to his chances with Keith so he’s made notes on Shirogane’s day-to-day routine. You can take the man out of the military, but you can’t take the military out of the man.

James’ schedule rarely clashes with the Captain, he sticks to it like how Keith’s cosmic space wolf almost rarely leaves his side. On some occurrences, he might find the Captain out on the landing pad or in the hangers for surprise inspections, but besides that Shirogane doesn’t give a piece of mind. 

Part of him is offended when he thinks that Shirogane doesn’t see him as a threat as well. But considering how Shiro looks and his connection to Keith, James has to give him kudos to knowing when he’s not beat.

But never underestimate the underdog, just like his mother says. However, the underdog will ultimately always be the underdog when he’s met with the harsh reality of why he is the way he is. 

Keith has another day of forced bed rest until his final examinations return to give him the go. Since he had the worst injuries and had taken the longest to wake up from the mysterious comas, the doctors were being careful. These pilots are the Defenders of the Universe.

The door opens and James thoughts are slammed on breaks so hard that he has to hold himself from his own whiplash. 

Shiro is leaning over Keith, his body is large enough where James can only see the top of Keith’s own head as the other’s hand worms to rest on Keith’s thigh.  

Reality can be cruel, James stops breathing as his brain is just trying to process too much. Too much pain. Too much betrayal. Too much  _ everything _ . His chest feels like it caved in on itself and there’s a swirling pain in his stomach. The hiss of the door seems to get both of their attention as Shiro pulls away. 

James’ eyes land on Keith first. His face is flushed red, lips open in shocked and eyes wide as if in a daze. He doesn’t even register that James is there, gaze on Shiro who’s turned to face James. That’s another bullet to James’ ego. 

There’s no surprise, no shock in the way he looks over to James as if he expected him. Did he know that James always visited Keith around this time? He had to, for as much James watched the Captains moves, he watched his. He can’t seem to read his face and his mind supplies him with a different action.

James doesn’t realize he’s running out of Keith’s room and only when he feels the cool air of the desert night does he slow down. His frantic pace is drawn to a jog and he doesn’t know where he is, there’s just not enough time to think or focus on the  _ where _ he is.

The cool air burns his lungs and his eyes are filled with tears. He should have known better, he got played like the fool he is. James should know better than this. It’s happened once he should have learned from it and moved on. His back meets the side of a building and he’s glad that it’s some support as he slides along it to sit on the ground. 

He shouldn’t agree with anything Rizavi suggests to him from now on.

* * *

 

It’s a slow morning and James sorely wants to be alone in his dorm. Kinkade gave him a look when he dragged himself back into bed in the late hours of the night.

The brunet buries himself further into the nest of his blankets and pillow as he waits for morning to pass. 

“I’m assuming Keith said no.”

No, Keith didn’t even give him an answer, there wasn’t even a question because he was sucking Shiro’s face. The nasty tone of his head gives a different response to what he actually says.

“Yeah, lets go with that. I need some time, just tell the others I’m not feeling well and that I need some rest.” The pilot doesn’t move from his cocoon of blankets, eyes barely managing to peek out from where he is. 

Kinkade finishes buttoning up his uniform and nods, “At least meet us for lunch, I’ll send you a message when we’re off, you shouldn’t be alone.” James appreciates the sentiment, but he still feels himself rolling his eyes.

“Sure.”

Kinkade looks like he wants to say something else, but holds himself back. The taller male steps out to the bustling halls of the Garrison. He hears the automatic lock once the door hisses back to a close.

Burying himself further into his blankets James just wants to sleep.

* * *

 

There’s a knock on his door, that rouses James from his pitiful sleep. It’s not Kinkade and surely not Leifsdottir so it leaves Rizavi as to who might be knocking on his door.

James rolls over and chooses to ignore it. He doesn’t want to see her and nor does he want to hear any apologizes. 

The knocks grow more frequent and louder as time passes. 

By the umpteenth knock James has enough and he throws his blankets to the side and unlocks the door. 

“Rizavi, just leave me alone.” Roll from his tongue, quick and sharp. He blinks. “You’re not Rizavi.”

“The names Lance, so no not Rizavi.” The red paladin is suited up in their armor, it’s been cleared from any burnt marks or broken plating. The undersuit is crisp and clear from tears the last time he saw him.

To find the red paladin at his door is the last thing he expected like most things happening in his life. 

“What are you doing here?” 

“Wow, did I wake up someone from their beauty sleep?”

James resists to roll his eyes, Lance hasn’t changed from the day he joined fighter class at the Garrison. 

“Matter of fact you did, thank you.”

“You don’t need it, so excuse me.” Lance has the nerve to push James to the side and step into his dorm. There’s no stopping him once he has his eyes on something and James doesn’t have the energy to argue about him not being welcomed.

“Huh, the dorm rooms have gotten smaller.” Lance props his hands on his hips and looks around.

“We were in a middle of a war, they couldn’t exactly make it large and extravagant, you know.” James leans against the wall, crossing his arms. 

“Well you had some time before hand, could have made them bigger then.” Lance continues his investigation for a moment before turning around to face him. “But that’s not what I’m here for.”

James raises an eyebrow in question. The fighter pilot had no idea why the other was here either, they weren’t the best of friends when Lance joined fighter class and he’s never talked to him besides classes at the time. 

“I wanted to thank you,”

“Huh?”

“You were a first responder, I guess? Red told me that you were the first person to check on me after we all crashed back onto Earth.”

Oh. That. “It’s nothing, Shiro’s orders.”

Lance shrugs but gives him a smile anyway. “Still, just wanted to thank you Red seemed to like you so...”

Was he referring to the lion, “Red?”

“The Red lion? Right arm of Voltron, the sexiest Paladin of the team.” Lance begins a list off and James finds himself laughing at how ridiculous it sounds. He swears he hears a faint sound of sparkles when Lance, sweeps his hand under his chin, grinning. 

“Yeah, sure sexiest pilot. I beg to differ.” Lance huffs at James’ response and wags his finger. 

“I am! There’s no denying it! Allura might be a princess and Keith might be a pretty boy, but the sexiest is my title.” The red paladin jerks his thumb towards his own chest, puffing it up and out as a grin breaks out onto his face. 

“Alright, agree to disagree then.” James’ chest feels a bit lighter after the easy going conversation with Lance drawing his attention away from yesterday’s events. 

“I’m hurt you didn’t even come visit me! James we were friends once upon a time,” Lance fakes a few sobbing sounds, closing his eyes and covering his face. 

“You have a big family, I could break between that,” the pilot offers with a quick hand motion. 

“Okay fair point,” Lance finally turns to James, “To be honest, I kinda see what he sees in you.”

“What?” 

“You’re...very his type,” the paladin waves his hand in front of James, “I was sent here on a mission, which I’ve now completed,” Lance gives him a salute and bounces over and back to the entrance of James’ dorm. 

A  _ mission _ ? “What do you mean?”

“Whoops, spoke too much,” Lance smiles and reaches over and pats the others shoulder. “Don’t give up hope, he’ll come around.” 

James is so confused. He squints and furrows his eyebrows. What was he talking about? Was this ‘mission’ given to him by Rizavi, who just managed to pick out the dude he saved a few months back?

“I need to get going, they want the lion’s out and helping with clean up in the messier areas of the city,”

“All of you?” Should the paladins already be back on duty this quickly after finally waking up from their comas, James questions. 

“Yeah, you already threw our parade without us! This sucks!” Lance slumps slightly, head hanging low before he pops up gives him another smile. Seconds later he’s off disappearing down the hall with his white and blue armor. 

The strangest encounter right after Krolia.

* * *

 

James does see Keith in passing some days. The maximum he can do is sneak glances his way for a few precious seconds before Keith becomes aware of his staring. He looks better from the last time he saw him. Saved for the last him he saw him he was with Shiro and James broke into a run faster then he has when the Galra started to invade.

The bright red is a contrast to the pale skin and dark hair of the paladin. The deep bags he had gotten used to seeing are gone. His hair gaining some volume as strands coiled around Keith’s neck and cheeks. The pale pink scar almost goes unnoticed with how James keeps being drawn to Keith’s eyes. They’re bright and full of energy, happy to finally be up and moving around.

The rest of the paladin’s surround him, each set in their armor and helmets in hand. They seem to be setting up for something, most likely going back and helping with clearing debris. 

Shiro isn’t that far from Keith as he stands a bit farther from Keith then usual.

That catches James’ attention. Keith hasn’t made any contact with Shiro since they’ve arrived on the landing pad. Part of him thinks that Keith might be ignoring Shiro with the way Shiro keeps sneaking his own glances to Keith. 

The paladin’s disperse with a final veteric from Keith, each heading to their own lions. James watches Shiro step closer into Keith’s space for the other only to take a step back.

Definitely not an interaction he’s ever seen between the pair. Where before the two would almost seem too insync, knowing one another's actions, thoughts and how the other is feeling. Yet, here that isn’t the case. Keith’s face screams uncomfortable and James almost has the urge to get in-between the two of them but that’s not his place.

The brunet watches from a distance, too enthralled with the series of actions from the pair. Shiro says something, eyes burning into the top of Keith’s head while the black paladin tries to look everywhere but Shiro. The grip on his helmet only tightening. 

Keith nods numbly and bites the corner of his lip. James begins to wonder if maybe everything isn’t alright in lovers paradise.

* * *

 

_ Kosmo, _ is the name if the cosmic space dog. Lance manages to tell him when the creature teleports to James’ side when they meet in the hall. This isn’t the first time Lance has managed to find him, his presence all more apparent when James actually thinks about it. He jokes to himself that maybe Lance has some sort of James locator that Keith never really had.

“Keith said he didn’t have a name,” the name burns his tongue. James is still trying his best to avoiding his presence and everything else involving Keith. But it’s too hard and the Garrison has never felt smaller. 

It’s been almost a week since the incident and James still feels raw and exposed to his own emotions.

“Keith is stupid and said he was waiting for the dog to tell him his name,” Lance hunches down and cups the cosmic space wolf’s face. “Who’s Kosmo? Oh yes you are!” Kosmo barks and leaps forward to lick Lance’s face who now attempts to push the dog away. 

“Oh no you don’t I finally have some moisturizer and you’re not licking that off,” Kosmo whines and pulls back from his feeble attempts to lick Lance’s face. 

“He likes you though, I’ve heard you’re the second person he’s seen with most of the time around here,” Lance continues his petting of Kosmo, looking up to James.

“I think it’s because I’m one of the only people he that doesn’t seem to freak out when he starts teleporting.”

“You get used to it,” The paladin shrugs and finally pushes himself up and off the ground. 

“The base is still huge, can you show me where I might find Veronica? I’ve been looking for her for ages.” The cuban sighs out, placing his hands on his hips.

“She might be on the Atlas, I think she mentioned that they’re running some final tests before we finally take off into space.”

“That’s like a week from now right? Why they starting so early?” 

“How we managed our last battle was through some miracle, there will be extra hands now and they’re loading rations and supplies onto the ship. Who knows how long we’ll be out, you guys were gone for four years and only made a dent in the Galra conquest.” 

Lance crosses his arms and frowns, “True...hopefully it won’t be that long, considering Voltron disappeared for three years we only really did a years work out there.”

“Let’s just get you to your sister.”

* * *

 

Kosmo decides to accompany James and Lance’s search for Veronica, sticking to James sides as they make their way to the hanger.

The Atlas has been left parked in the underground hanger for the past four months for repairs and frequent checks on it’s system. Commander Holt says that they can finally find out what the Atlas can do with a functioning crystal, so he’s been off exploring the Atlas’ new features. 

They climb through the open cargo hold, Lance watches with mild intrest as the Garrison crew members move to load and unload material onto the ship. 

It takes a while to reach the bridge. The Atlas as big and complexing on the inside as it was on the outside. They’re halfway there when they realize that Kosmo could have just teleported them there.

“Uh...we can ask Kosmo?” Lance breaks the silence, stopping. “He kinda just decides things for himself, only person he listens to really is Keith.”

James leans down to pet the dog, rubbing the space between Kosmo’s ears. The wolf leans into his touch, greedy for contact. “Hey can you teleport us to the bridge?” The cosmic wolf tilts his head for a moment before looking over to Lance. 

The red paladin makes a face and places his hand on top of  the cosmic wolf. They disappear with a spark of blue light.

The feeling never gets the same as he’s teleported in and out of existence. It almost feels like he’s having an out of body of experience until he’s stuffed back into his very being when he appears back in the real world. 

He sees a few people jump when he materializes along with Lance and Kosmo. All equally as worried to how exactly they appeared out of nowhere and without a sound. One glance to Kosmo and all of their questions are answered by a simple word.  _ Aliens _ .

“Lance!” Veronica seems surprised to see Lance as she turns in her chair to look at him. 

“Veronica! Mom’s been looking for you and she sent me to find you, you know how she is.” Lance props a hand on his hip. “I had some paladin stuff to do,” the rest of the answer hangs in the air and Veronica seems to get what he’s getting at. 

“Can it wait I still have stuff to complete?” Veronica sighs, pulling a few strains of her hair behind her ear. 

“If you think you can control a raging hispanic mom, looking for her daughter you might want to think again,” Lance levels her with a look. Veronica sighs all to knowing what her mother might do.

Lance looks over to Kosmo who pointedly ignores him, his head faces in a different direction. “I don’t think  you’d take us back all the way to my mom’s room would you?”

Kosmo yawns a high-pitch whine escaping the creature’s muzzle as he rubs his head along James’ leg. 

“I’ll take that as a no...you’re as bad as Keith sometimes.” Lance sighs and wraps and arm around Veronica’s shoulder when she stands next to him. “Let’s go Veronica, let leave these losers here,” he waves his hand in James’ direction. 

“I’ll be back Commander Iverson it shouldn’t be long,” Iverson gives Veronica a grunt, focusing his attention on the monitor in front of him. 

The siblings disappear once they round their way to the entrance of the bridge and into the hall.

Kosmo looks up to James and he crosses his arms, “You could have been nice and saved them the walk.”

The cosmic wolf seems to have a different idea as he teleports again bring James along with him, again he’s left no choice in the matter. 

James blinks and tries to pinpoint exactly where he is when Kosmo drops him off in an empty hallway. He’s left next to an open door, he almost steps out but Kosmo nips at his ankle making him stop. 

“So you’re just telling me that I missed my chance.”

Shiro. Another person that James has dedicated to avoiding in his life, just great. He leans his weight against the wall, plastering himself to it. He doesn’t even know where he is to just make his escape. The brunet gives Kosmo a look and the dog has no shame as he looks up at James wagging his tail.

“I’m sorry Shiro,” Keith’s voice is quiet. 

There’s a loud sigh from Shiro. “It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have taken so long,”

James knows he shouldn’t be listening in to a private conversation. The brunet doesn’t belong here like everything involving the famous pair. The self-pity grows as his focus on the conversation fades. Murmurs and distant, James lost in thought. He’s a hopeless romantic stuck in second place and he’s too stubborn to let go. 

Pent up emotions and longing for four years, if James thought he has it bad it can only mean it’s so much worse in other people’s eyes. A nudge along his leg, Kosmo. Big eyes look up at him. 

_ Listen _ .

The dog is too smart for his own good, too aware to those around him. With some reluctance he turns his attention back to the conversation he shouldn’t be overhearing.

“There’s someone else?” Shiro asks and the air is pulled out of James like a deflating air balloon. Too fast and he’s whipping around in the wind with no path.

Keith remains quiet. No answer, but it hangs in the air between the two far too obvious and James finds himself too hopeful and too lost. 

Kosmo decides that’s enough and they’re gone.

* * *

 

Kosmo like a mother drops him off at his room, gives him a look to then promptly disappears once again. He’s not sure weather to thank the creature or want to strangle it. It’s like the world has gone on mute. Everything he thought he knew was just thrown out of the window.

He feels dizzy and off balance. James thinks he won’t be able to teach later with how he is. The rest of his team will immediately notice the change. 

Maybe he can act like nothing ever happened. Like the last five minutes of his life could be erased and he could go on his merry way. But that’s too ease.

* * *

 

James feels like his ears are permanently red-tipped, his short hair does little to protect him. He feels sick to his stomach and confused. He’s can’t seem to be in the same room with Keith without seeming to combust into a red mess unable to handle his own emotions.

Keith looks worried most of the time when James flounders to speak for a good few seconds. In his defense he has a dry mouth after yelling endlessly at the Garrison cadets. They still havent spoken beyond simple hellos. Most times Keith looks like he wants to say something, but holds himself back. 

James is left spinning in circles inside his own mind. He’s overthinking and he’s going to burn out soon.

Four days until they leave Earth.

* * *

 

Keith finds him when he’s preparing for take off. He doesn’t say anything, but strap himself into the second seat of the cockpit. He’s not even in proper attire. The orange cadet uniform still looks out of place for Keith, he can’t get used to it. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Rizavi give him a wink and a thumbs up. Was this her doing? Probably.

“Uh...what are you doing?” He manages to say without choking up. 

“Joining you for a flight.”

James’ mind helplessly supplies the word:  _ date _ . He officially hates Rizavi. 

“You’re not even in a fight suit--” the brunet starts in hopes of avoiding Keith again.

“I trust you.” A quiet omission.

That clams him up right away. It’s the first time Keith has even said anything along those lines to him. His actions as a kid spoke a lot more than he did. For him to actually say it? It’s a big step. James decides not to question it. 

Turning his attention back to the controls James’ notes that no one else seems to care for proper protocol as the marshaler gives him the signal to go. As if he didn’t see Keith climb in at the last second. Is everyone in the Garrison in on something he doesn’t know of yet?

With a thumbs up and his routine checks the MFE takes off. The take off is slow and steady. Climbing much faster then most planes to the appropriate height. This is the last time he’ll get an air time before they finally depart. The MFE’s are on their final checks after their finished upgrades to make sure everything is running normally. 

“Mega thrusters are good, crystal to engine energy transfer at 89%, stabilizers are good.” 

Keith’s presence is soft behind him, his attention probably elsewhere while James rattles off checks as he flies. 

The next thirty minutes James is left to himself, almost forgetting the other behind him. His sole focus on his duties. At the last and final check Sam Holt’s breathes out a sigh of relief before he hears,

“Take her out on one last run.”

He does, he pushes the MFE to the limit. The thrusts hum with energy and boost forward, creating a sonic boom as he hits speeds faster than before.

“It’s fast, but not as fast as Black,” Keith chuckles behind him. 

“For human engineering I have to say they did pretty good,” James quips back. Ok. This is okay. Not awkward. With as little force as possible, he tilts the MFE to turn in a half circle to return over the city. 

“The Alteans did most of the work,” he could practically feel Keith shrug at the end of the sentence. 

“You’ve been avoiding me. Again.” Keith declares behind him.

James doesn’t dignify the statement with a response. 

“I thought we got over it, did I do something? You’ve been avoiding me since…” Keith seems to find his own answer. “You were there, when Shiro...”

_ There _ . Keith doesn’t even need to explain what he’s talking about and even then James still knows exactly what he’s alluding to.

“There’s nothing between us.” Keith states

“Yeah, right” James snaps back. “You guys practically can’t breath if the other isn’t around.”

“Just because you think there’s something there doesn’t mean there is.” There’s a bite at the end of the sentence. Keith sighs and there’s a shuffle behind him. “I’m trying to talk to you not argue. Can we do that?”

The brunet wants to say no. That he’s done penting up his feelings of frustrations of Shiro with Keith and he finally wants to let go. “Fine.” He hisses between his teeth. 

“We could have had something, but now that’s not the case.” The paladin behind him mutters. “Things happened and now...yeah. I had to ask Lance of all people to check on you for me since you were avoiding me. You left me no choice but to cornered you in here cause you can’t take off on me like you do every other time.”

The pilot is bitterly impressed by Keith’s ability to trap him. 

“You sent Lance to find me for you?” James is upset that he didn’t even notice, thinking it was Rizavi’s plan. 

“You’re just so difficult.” Pot meet kettle. “We’re fine one day and the next you’re acting like I don’t exist. You’re sending mixed signals. You hang out with my dog more than me.” 

Guilty as charged on the last one. Not his fault that Kosmo can teleport to his location at will.

“What do you want from me.” Keith growls out, there a small sound as James guesses as Keith hits his head against the back of his chair.

_ Everything _ . He wants to be Keith’s everything. But that’s selfish and Keith doesn’t owe him anything.

“It’s not selfish.”

Shit did he actually say that out loud? Out of all the ways he possibly dreamed of second confession this was last on the list: ‘Accidentally confess.’ Smooth James, real smooth. His left hand drags across his helmet in a attempt to cover his face.

“You kinda whispered it, but my hearing is a lot better then most for...obvious reasons.” The paladin supplies. 

_ Aliens _ . He blames Krolia and her alien genetics for this one and strange Garla mind reading abilities. 

“I didn’t think you would still have feelings for me after all this time...I thought it would be over me I guess.” A rustle behind him, Keith shifting around in the seat.

James takes a deep breath, “I never got over you, I did forget a little, then you were back and everything I just buried was dug up. In the back of my head I never did stop worrying for you I guess.” 

Keith’s breath hitches behind him and doesn’t respond to James. More than likely trying to think of a response.

Their attention shifts as they finally pass over the city. James’ focus flickers between the city and where he’s flying. Buildings are still torn apart and destroyed, but there’s steady progress. Some areas completely cleaned up and bustling with life. Stands and various booths line roads, crowds of people and activity. For the past four years humans became underground inhabitants in an attempt to survive. It’s finally nice to see the light again.

“I never got to see the rest of the city, we’ve been so busy helping cleaning up where we can we-I haven’t had the time.”

An opportunity hangs in front of him. Keith is offering it without any strings attached, almost aloof in the way he asks for company. James takes it. Like a fish drawn to a lure.

“I...I can take you tomorrow if you want. It won’t be fore long...but hey it will be something.”

“You won’t back out on me?” A hint of hesitation, James can hear it in his voice.

“I’ve been meaning to go back and check it out too.”

The afternoon light shines harshly into the cockpit, leaving James a sweaty mess, but he’s sure the sun isn’t at fault. His cheeks burn and he’s sure the tips of his ears are red, he’s glad that the helmet provides some protection from Keith’s knowing look.

Before he notices they’re already at the Garrison base. A voice breaks into his radio directing his location for landing.

Once he lands the MFE, he slips the helmet off. Laying it gently into his lap. Keith jerks behind him to stop him from releasing the hatch. He didn’t even hear when the other slipped from his belts. His hand grips his wrist and he’s leaning dangerously over the chair. He’s close. The last time he was this close to the other Keith wasn’t even awake.

“Please tell me I’m not reading this wrong. That there’s something here.”

The way James glups is almost too audible. He shakes his head, there is always something here for Keith. Like a burn, he left his mark on James years ago and there was never enough of anything to make it go away.

Keith levels him with a look, all too familiar, a slight pout to his lips, a side look and furrowed eyebrows. He’s thinking, the Keith he knew was all brash, act first and ask questions later, how he has changed. 

_ Just stop thinking. _

The paladin is looming over him. James doesn’t care, following his own advice he takes the chance. Tilting his head he drives up connecting Keith’s lips with his. They’re soft. Too warm and James relishes it. His eyes close, taking in the moment. 

The grip around his wrist loosens and James just takes that too, twisting his hand around and he’s fingers lock in-between Keith’s. The other sighs in the brief moment that break apart. James thinks that’s it, that’s what he’ll get. 

He’s wrong.

Keith pulls him back in, chasing James. Nipping at his upper lip, prying James open. He allows it, he won’t deny him when this is everything he wants. Through his lashes he catches Keith’s gaze. It’s the same look he used to give Shiro.  _ I’ll give you the universe.  _ It’s too much and James thinks its a dream, he closes his eyes again. They clash teeth and the pilot’s hand worms to the back of Keith’s head tugging at his hair. A moan breaks past Keith’s lips and the sound goes straight into his pants. 

Maybe doing it in the cockpit in the MFE is not a good idea. Keith doesn’t seem to want this to end anytime soon so James tries to pull back but Keith pushing forward. His body leaning dangerously over the back of the chair.

“Maybe-” Keith cuts James off, pushing in tongue past his lips. His hands withdrawal from Keith’s hand and the back of his head, pushing at the paladin’s shoulders. Keith lets out a whimper, but lets himself be pushes away. His eyes don’t break contact with James, waiting for some sort of confirmation to continue. 

Never once did he think that Keith would actually strive to kiss  _ him _ .

“We should really talk about this.” Keith licks his lips and James’ attention is drawn back to them. “Uh...and not make out in the middle of a cockpit.” The air in his lung come rushing back. A smirk breaks out on Keith’s lips and James shamefully knows he’s beat red at that. 

“I like you.” Keith blurts out, “Since we were first joined the Garrison, when we became friends, since I’ve been back it made me realize that.”  He breaks eye contact to look away, flustered. 

It’s a lot to take in. James doesn’t know what to say. Just like everything Keith does it’s an explosion. A bundle of emotions too fast for anyone to keep up. An avalanche that people can’t outrun. He’s spilling everything to James and he takes it in. He hasn’t felt this alive since the moment he first kissed Keith years ago. 

Keith’s words continue to fall and James doesn’t have the heart to interrupt him. It’s everything he wanted to hear since day one he realized his feelings for Keith. For his feelings to be returned it all seemed like some sort of dream.

“I’m not dreaming right? You’re real right?” James rushes out, his lungs feel like they don’t fit in his chest. He’s seen this in his dreams, a moment too untrue for James.

Keith stops his own downpour of emotion and turns back to him, his eyes are wide, too clear and too easy to read for James. “I’m here.” 

And that’s what grounds James to the present. To this very moment and his past with Keith is blown out of the water, out of his muddy thoughts and pent up frustrations and all he can hear and see is Keith at this very moment. 

The smile he gives James is the most beautiful thing he’s had the pleasure to see.

* * *

 

Keith takes the initiative to actually stick by James side after they leave the MFE. Everyone on his team has seem to disappear in the short time of his flight. Good, he thinks he rather not have to explain to Rizavi his entire adventure in the sky. Some things were better left unsaid. 

James takes Keith’s hand and drags him off to his room. Keith doesn’t question and easily intertwines their fingers. It’s a small action that causes the pilots chest to expand so much that he feels that his heartbeat is loud enough for Keith to hear. 

He spares a glance back to Keith whose eyes are staring down at James’ hand, eyes sparking and a small smile on his face. 

Another love arrow to his poor heart.

Damn. He’s really in it now isn’t he?

* * *

 

They unfortunately don’t actually have the time to go visit the shopping plaza in the city as they rush to finish loading and finish the last of Earth’s defenses while Atlas prepares to leave.

Voltron takes the lead to scout out the rest of Earth’s solar system just in case there are any strangling Galra fleets that managed to get away. 

Keith is back in his paladin uniform. White armor with red accents, helmet in hand as he shares a moment with the rest of the team. Kosmo appears to stay by James side instead of Keith for once. Rubbing his head along James’ thigh for affection. 

James is waiting in his MFE uniform in the hagger of the Atlas. They plan to set out an hour after Voltron gives them the clear. After all they need Princess Allura to open a wormhole so they can get into the heart of battle. 

An uneasy air hangs over the Atlas crew, all too worried to be pulled into an battle for the universe they didn’t even know they were apart until four years ago. The paladins break apart and each head to their lion, Keith decides to head towards James giving him a soft smile. 

Kosmo teleports his way to Keith, worming his way between Keith’s legs while budding his head to push Keith forward toward the brunet. Kosmo barks, disappearing back to James. 

“Is Kosmo trying to be our wingman?” 

“He probably knows,” Keith shrugs, now standing in front of James. 

The brunet hums, giving Keith a knowing look. “So…” Rocking on his feet back and forth.

The paladin rolls his eyes, tugging James by the front of his suit to pull him for a kiss. 

James pulls Keith close worming his hand through the others thick hair, tugging at the strands. He feels Keith smile into the kiss just as he pulls back. James wants to chase it, but he holds back the urge. 

“See you up there.” A quick wave and James watches Keith’s as he goes. Disappearing into the Black lion. A purr rumbles in the back of his head, gleaming yellow eyes share an all too knowing look. With a burst of wind the Black lion takes off and in the matter of seconds they disappear beyond the clouds. 

“So…” The peaceful moment of serenity is broken by Rizavi as she sneaks up behind James whispering right into his ear.  He jerks and pulls back.

“Yes? How may I help you?” He stutters, turning away to hide his face. 

Kinkade and Leifsdottir aren’t that far behind. There’s Rizavi’s famous grin as he wraps her arm around the MFE leader’s shoulder. “What was that?”

Oh God. “Nothing you need to worry about-”

“Wow James...dating the leader of the paladin’s how bold!” Rizavi’s snickers pulling back when James turns around. 

“You seem...happier” Leifsdottir notes, “Your happiness has increased by 73%, however you do still have to deal with the MFE cadets so calculating that-” Kinkade cuts her off by covering her mouth. 

“What she’s trying to say is that you’re doing a lot better now.” A rare smile from Kinkade and Leifsdottir gives him a glare. 

James groans and shakes his head face red, “Whatever, the Atlas takes off soon! Finish packing up or you’re getting left behind.” 

The rest of his crew give him a mock sault. The brunet rolls his eyes, still flustered he looks away. “You all are horrible teammates.”

* * *

 

Seeing the stars for the first time in space is an indescribable feeling. For years he’s studied endlessly to end up one of the few people who would go beyond the Earth’s solar system and finally find what was beyond the unknown gap to planets unknown. Seeing it now, James is at a lost. He’s always wanted to be here, in space, but now he’s not so sure.

Even as he stare out to the open universe before him, it feels so empty. Aliens of different kinds spread across the universe so far apart that Earth was an unknown planet until they had accidentally caught themselves into a war.

“Hey-” Keith.

“Hey,” James breathes out. “So this is what it’s like?” He hasn’t removed his gaze from the window.

“Usually a whole a lot more blasting, but yeah...we kinda always just end up in trouble.” Keith steps forward, settling next to James. Even with his new founded height, he’s still a few centimeters shorter than James.

“I guess we won’t have to worry about being bored for long.” The pilot lets out a chuckle, turning his attention back to Keith. The stars that shine in the distance reflect in the other’s eyes. The hues of purple remind him of galaxies all interconnected by the stars light years away. A twitch of his fingers and Keith links his hand with James.

The brunet guesses that maybe what he was looking for wasn’t ever out in the middle of nowhere on some unknown planet, in a far quadrant of the universe, but maybe since the very beginning on Earth’s soil. Since the moment he laid eyes on Keith maybe that was when the universe decided to change on him.

**Author's Note:**

> asdfghjkl 34 pages later and this thing is finally complete
> 
> Oh for those of you who don't get the title: An amenity is something that is seen useful or beneficial to someone
> 
> So James wants himself to be seen as an amenity, someone useful to Keith 
> 
> The ending is so cheesy 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed, I struggled to make sure it didn't feel like a cheap ending but I couldn't think of ANYTHING ELSE. 
> 
> All of you who wanted James: he got his happy ending how about that? Didn't think he would huh.
> 
> I apologize for any mistakes or errors, I tried my best to look through it, but this thing is just so long it gets a bit blurred.


End file.
